Today My First Real Blog

I blogged a bit on myspace but this is the real thing. I am going to try to update weekly with typed entry, a video update and an audio bit as well. I am testing this out so I can share a bit with the world what I am up to. I will segway into the They Shall Walk blog later unless it turns out to be better to do it all hear.

DisABLED
I try to stay focused on the ABLED part but sometimes (most days) I just can not get away from it. My daughter wanted to go for a bike ride, I di not want to disappoint her so I aggreed. I have been feeling well for the last two weeks, I mean it has been amazing to not need my cane for two whole weeks. We were just praying last night at dinner, thanking God for my health these last two weeks and this morning I woke up in pain. I am always in pain, I have been since 1983 when I joined the Army Rangers {the song goes "Misserie, misserie... a ranger life's a misserie... Don't you cry me no tears, I don't want your sympathy... I'm an Airborne Ranger and that's all I want to be...eee.... That's all I want to bee .... eee..... I'm an Airborne Ranger and that's all I want to beeeee."} I did not know the misserie was going to last on into the rest of my life. I have met atheletes who knew they would suffer when they decided to be excelent so I am in good company.

DURING the bike ride my legt knee gave out. (while in the Army both of my knees had been dislocated [the petella was popped out of joint, moved out of the socket and over to the side at least two inches on two differnt ocasions] so the pain comes and goes on the knees.) I have been having problems with my left side for the last few years. It turns out the MRI and EMG show problems with the nerves and that explains the prblems a little. It does not make it hurt less or bother me less when my leg goes knumb and I fall down but it is helpful to know what is making it happen.

AFTER the bike ride my knee hurt and would not bear weight. My daughter noticed right away, as soon as I got off of the bike that I needed help and she offered. I thougt for at least thirty seconds about the location of my canes. Since I had been doing so well I had not been using them. I knew there was one in my car but it was locked and the key was inside the house. There were two canes in my office at the lab a couple of miles away and at least two in my home office. I looked over at the open garage door and saw two handles that could be shovels or broom handles. "If I don't get something quick I am going down and I do not know how long it will be before I get up" I thought to myself. I suggested to my daughter she get me one of the two "broom handles" she pulled one of them and started to explain that it was not a 'broo...." I interupted her because I knew I was going to fall. My weight was all on the currently working leg, but sometimes the other one would go out and my left arm was holding the railing and it is the one I can not count on. "It does not matter what it is, the one you are holding is the one I can use" It turned out to be an edger for the lawn. She handed it to me with a worried look on her face.

I wanted to lie to her and tell her I was going to be fine, but I did not know if I would be, so I just said "Thank you honey, this is what I need" She offered to close the garage and I thanked her for that. Then, using the edger handle as a walking stick I hobbled into the house. I did not know if I should look for the pain meds, muscle relaxers or the anti-inflammatories.

I wanted to cry but I did not want my kids and wife to worry. I told them I loved them and sat down. I wondered if another hot bath would make any difference. ( I had one this morning to get moving)

I focus on the Abled part of disABLED. It is hard sometimes. I want to go to sleep but the pain is too great to get there. I will read a bit and hope to drift off later.

My work at www.theyshallwalk.org makes a difference to me, it gives me a reason to live and keep going. I hope everyone who is hurting will find something like theyshallwalk to keep them going.